“You should colour your hair,” my sister looked critically at me before adding, “You look old.”
Siblings don’t sugarcoat.
I was not offended, I knew she meant well. After all, she probably remembers the guy with the beard — shown below — more than the bald guy socializing with Brian Burke (that’s another story.)
We had just gone over the pitfalls of binge eating during extended vacations and how I had gained a few ungainly pounds over the past couple of months. In the scheme of things, seven pounds is not a whole heck of a lot. But the fact that it all seemed to have settled around my midriff seemed to reinforce the perception that perhaps I was letting go.
It is all about perceptions!
From my perspective, I was a gracefully aging man who was planning to get back into shape when my vacation was over. The break from a regular fitness routine was purely temporary. And as for the grey, I was just going with the dignified look — say, like Jerry Seinfeld or Woody Harrelson.
Clearly, that wasn’t working.
To someone who didn’t know me, I was another overweight, balding, grey-haired man. Not exactly the impression that I wanted to convey.
So how important is physical appearance to our self-esteem and confidence? Should we take into consideration how others see us?
After all, “beauty is but skin deep.” And yet, physical appearances seem to play a major part in how people interact with us and react to us.
There are many social experiments out there where it has been established that people flock to assist well-dressed, clean-cut-looking people in trouble while shunning shabbily-dressed people who look homeless.
Check out this video titled “Appearances Matter? Homeless Vs Businessman.”
What happens to us in social situations and at work may be more subtle, and the bias — age, gender, race, other — less obvious.
Talking about appearances, we all have a sense of what works best for us. Others may not concur, but it’s what we believe is best for us.
Think of all those bad hair days that put a little dent in your confidence at client meetings. What about all those social media posts where your friends tagged you in pictures that you felt did not do you justice?
That brings me to perceptions that go beyond physical appearances.
Perception of success influences us in our everyday lives. We are wary of eating at a restaurant that is empty, we assume that the food is bad. We hesitate to buy something from a salesperson who does not look successful. We try to get tickets to “Hamilton” vs “Wicked” when we visit New York City.
Perceptions of optics play a part in workplace decisions. A perfectly justifiable trip to Las Vegas to attend a partner conference could be perceived as a boondoggle if your boss does not buy into it, or if it becomes frequent.
At the end of the day, it is not about what others think of you.
It is more about what makes you feel confident. If that means colouring your grey hair, wearing padded clothing, or platform shoes, so be it.
Keep in mind, when it comes to physical appearances you seldom get honest feedback. People are too polite.
So you are on your own.
As for me, I am going to check out “Just for Men.”
Now, to find some hair to work with…
